Hope

This blog is old now, but it is still a good representation of something that changed my life. I've come a long way, and if anyone stumbles across this, I'd like them to know that there is hope. This is just a moment in time. You can get through it.

Yeah. That's me!

One Year!!!!

Today is one year from my ACI surgery, and that is a pretty big milestone. I also had an appointment with Dr. Trice today so I have updated guidance. Yay! It's not a total removal of restrictions, but it is progress.

He said I can go without my brace unless I am in a situation where I am walking a lot. That's what I was really hoping for, because it is nice to not have to wear it at work. However, he wants me to wait 3 more months before jogging and 6 more before doing any squats at the gym. He just doesn't think the benefit from squats justifies how hard it is on recovering knees. That's tricky though, because squats are exactly what personal trainers recommend to people who want to strengthen their quads. I guess my trainer will just have to find another way.

There were two other things in the conversation that surprised me. First, when I told Holly (Dr. Trice's surgical nurse) that I had been in contact with another patient who found me through this blog, she said that she also had another one or two who told her that he or she was reading my blog. I have readers! That's pretty shocking. Holly said she was glad because there is only so much detail she can provide on what the surgery and recovery feels like. It's still going to be different for each patient, but I have tried to accurately represent what this one patient felt.

Second, Dr. Trice told me that he specifically remembers me from before the surgery because he could see how much pain I was in. He said he just still remembers my face and how it had "Please just make this stop" written all over it. He's said before that I was worse off than a lot of his patients, but I didn't know how firmly my face had stuck in his mind. I mean, doctors see a lot of patients and I don't think of myself as particularly memorable.

So, here's an update on what I am experiencing.

1. I am not in pain, but the knee is weak and I still guard it and protect it. I am also still aware of it most of the time. Let me put it this way: a normal person would sometimes stumble or trip and it's not a big deal. I almost never stumble or trip because I am always paying a great deal of attention to my walking. 
2. Leg extensions (where I am sitting and straighten the leg in front of me) are very difficult. When I do them, the leg shakes and it takes a lot of effort to control it. 
3. Also, I still have trouble with stairs, particularly going down. 
4. In general, the knee pops a lot, but it's not catching or locking. It feels like cracking your knuckles or your back. It actually feels good. 
5. If I get up from sitting for a little while then I limp, but that goes away after walking for a minute or two and especially if I can get the knee to pop. If I am walking for a while, I have almost no limp. 
6. Some of the nerves are still dead on the outside of my knee so that area is still slightly numb (like if you sit on your hand for too long kind of tingly numb).

I think that's it for now. I don't have to see Dr. Trice again for 6 months and I will be getting another MRI at that time. I'll continue to update if anything changes, but recovery is slow at this point. Good luck everyone.

Less than 6 weeks from the One Year Mark

First let me say, that I love when people leave comments and let me know if this journal has been helpful to them. It absolutely makes my day! (I get an email when someone leaves a comment, so it does get noticed right away.) Good luck to those of you stopping by to prepare yourself! It was a life-changing experience, but it's been worth it for me.

One thing you learn pretty early when reading about ACI is that while it may take 2 years to feel "normal," the majority of the healing is done in the first year and restrictions are eased considerably after that. With this information in mind, I have my eye on the fact that my one year anniversary is less than 6 weeks away!

However, I am not quite where I want to be in terms of rebuilding muscle to properly support the knee. So, I have signed up with a personal trainer to see if he can guide me beyond my current plateau. I am very excited to start working with him this weekend. It has been a few months since I stopped seeing Sandy, my physical therapist. I really miss her, both personally and professionally. It was encouraging to have the regular, personalized guidance and to have someone cheering you on. I know a personal trainer can't bring the same level of experience and knowledge on this particular rehab, but his brand of guidance and cheering will be appreciated.

I have a few other notes: first, a reminder that not all aquatics classes are the same. I attempted to join an aquatics class held in 4 ft water which involved a lot of walking around the pool and some bouncing or hopping. I tried to keep the impact minimal, but I still had to leave before the class was over as I kept getting a "tweaking" feeling in my knee. I am glad I didn't stay - the knee was sore for days. Clearly only a class where movement around the pool is swimming-based and not impact-based will do.

Second note: I forgot to ask at the 9 month mark whether I could start to use the elliptical machine, so I followed up outside of my appointment schedule. Dr. Trice approved! Most ACI patients probably would have been allowed to use an elliptical much earlier, but I went over the reasoning for my particular guidance here so I won't repeat myself.

Also, a few weeks ago I relearned how to get up from sitting on the floor with no aid. It's such a small thing, but knowing I can get up makes me less afraid of falling. It's only February, so I expect there will be more ice and snow yet (though it is in the 60's today!?!)

So overall I am definitely progressing well, but I need to build more muscle and start losing some of this weight that I have put on over the last 2 years. I'll check in again in a few weeks after I have worked with the personal trainer for a bit.

Doctor Appointment (one week shy of 9 months)

Despite my little panic yesterday with regards to the snow, I really wanted to make it to my appointment with Dr. Trice to have him look at my MRI results. I dealt with the traffic and the slippery roads and it was worth the trip. I handed off my MRI CD when I arrived, and by the time Dr. Trice came into the examination room he had taken a look at them. He entered, saying "I hope your knee feels as good as your MRI looks!"

So, hooray! My MRI was showing about a 95% fill, with a little gap in the anterior region that might still fill itself out as the tissue matures. That's a pretty awesome result for such a large defect, so I am very happy. It makes me worry a little less about still needing to pop it regularly to get it operating smoothly. I still think the brace is causing that anyway.

We talked about what activities I could and couldn't do. I asked, mostly out of curiosity, when I might be allowed to jog if my recovery continues to be successful. His answer was the one-year mark, meaning this March. That's actually earlier than I was expecting! I have a number of people who would like to cheer me on at my first 5K.

I was instructed to up the weights on my SLRs. He wants me to get to 15 lbs. I need to buy new weights!

The best part was that he set my next appointment a full three months from now. That's how confident he is in my progress! My next appointment actually falls exactly on the one year anniversary since my ACI.

Rough Day

This morning there was a holiday party in my office. I went to the room, but it was fairly crowded. All I saw when looking at the crowd was a bunch of people who might knock me down. I panicked a little. When I got back to my office I was a little upset. I've been doing so well and I just wasn't expecting to encounter so much fear. It really shook my confidence.

And now it is snowing enough to lay down a slippery layer outside. If I fall, I don't know what would happen. I don't have normal balance, so I may not be able to recover. I can't get up from sitting on the ground without something to grab onto, to pull myself up. If I fell on the sidewalk, how long would I have to sit there until someone came along to help me?

I don't want to be so fearful. I'm having a rough day, but it's all inside my head.

MRI

Last night I went to get a 3.0 Tesla MRI, which is basically a very powerful MRI screening that can produce high quality imagery. Here's an article about the very one that I went to at the Hopkins Outpatient Center.

It takes a while and isn't the most pleasant experience. For 35 minutes you have to hold very still in a very cold room. It's really loud, even with the earplugs and thick headset, so you can't fall asleep. That being said, you aren't trapped in a tiny tube so I didn't get claustrophobic. The tube is big and your head and arms are outside of it.

I am very excited because this is my first MRI since the surgery and I have an appointment with Dr. Trice tomorrow where I will find out what it shows him. I feel like I am doing pretty well, but I would like the reality check.

8 1/2 Months out

I was looking for a specific post for someone and ended up reading some of my own blog. I'm glad I wrote it, since I think a few people may have found it helpful, but also because I would have forgotten a lot of this.

I saw my massage therapist (MT) again this weekend as my shoulder and upper back have continued to give me problems. It seems like the discomfort starts to build up over about a month before it becomes very bad. It makes sleep difficult because no position is really that comfortable. I'm going to start seeing him for 30 minutes every 2 weeks now to try to stay ahead of the building discomfort.

While I was there, I had him go over my knee to break up scar tissue. It's pretty unpleasant and difficult to do an adequate job on yourself. My MT suggested using a topical analgesic, such as Biofreeze, to dull the pain while using quick, short strokes to break up the scar tissue. It's a good suggestion and helps dull some of the aches too.

The knee gets stiff still and often I will feel pressure in it until I get a good pop out of it. (It's audible, so sometimes it catches people off-guard, which is highly entertaining.) I think that is due to the brace though since it pushes things out of a normal position. I've been walking up to 2 miles at a time, and the increase in distance may be one of the factors that have helped the knee feel smoother lately. Well, sometimes anyway. I am still quite aware of the knee but my limp has gotten noticeably better in the last few weeks. It's almost gone.

I added a new link on the right to the Chester ACI Rehabilitation Guide For Femoral and Tibial Articular Cartilage Repair, that someone shared on the knee geeks forum. It's a great find! It covers both the surgery and the rehab in one document. I was reminded again by reading that document that Dr. Trice is keeping me on a very slow path. Perhaps ACI is easier for some others? But then again, I don't seem to have any complications so it can be harder for others too. Anyway, it's a good reminder to mention to any readers that I was really bad off before, so don't get too scared. My experience might be on the more painful side.

8 Months Out

Yes, I know I posted the last post a little past the 7 month mark, but I was talking about an appointment that happened at about 7 months out. However, today actually does mark 8 months since my surgery.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and I am hosting. Since cooking is a hobby of mine, it will be nice to be able to stand in the kitchen again. Last year I did very little because it hurt too much. It is good to have something to be thankful for regarding the knee.

My knee is doing pretty well. I can still feel it most of the time. It aches and sometimes feels very hot, but never any sharp pain. Icing still feels good. I can go for walks now, so I accompany my husband as he walks the dogs. I used to be the one that walked them most of the time, but it's been almost 2 years since I've been able to do that. It's funny that I still remember my reaction to the first OS when he said I needed MFX and would spend 4 weeks on crutches afterward. I was shocked by that length of time. Now, that reaction seems kind of cute and innocent in retrospect. I suppose I have become a more patient person.

My shoulder has been bothering me. I think it is related to the remnants of my limp. It doesn't hurt exactly, but then again my standards for defining something as painful are not what they used to be. It just makes it hard to get comfortable. I have leftover pain relief goop from seeing the pain management doctor before my surgery, so I am using that. I don't want to take Tylenol too often since it can be rough on the liver. I'll see my massage therapist again soon too. A sports massage therapist is definitely the way to go when healing. It's such a more practical approach versus a traditional massage therapist.

There was one other interesting thing that happened in my last appointment with Dr. Trice. He seemed unusually happy to see me in the office, but I think I figured out why. When he came in for the consultation he introduced a nurse practitioner that was sitting in on his meetings with patients. Clearly she was not an orthopedic nurse because he was explaining to her what a MFX is, though I suppose she could have just been too polite to correct him! I am guessing that she was following various doctors within Johns Hopkins to understand their jobs better.

After I asked my questions of Dr. Trice and he answered them, he told me to tell this nurse how long I had been dealing with my knee. "Almost 2 years." I said. He told me to describe my condition before the ACI. I don't get asked that very often by someone who actually wants the full answer. I obliged, saying " I was in pain every day whether I was walking or not. With daily prescription pain medication, I could work in the office only about 2 days a week and work from home the rest of the time. The floors there just hurt and the times when I would uncontrollably scream from the pain were embarrassing. Without pain medication, I could barely get off the couch."

About here I realized Dr. Trice was showing me off. He told me to get up and walk across the room. I did so. He asked about my current pain level. I said it really didn't hurt, just aches, so perhaps a 1 (on the trusty 1-10 scale that you get asked about all the time). The nurse's eyes were huge and all she could say was "Wow." It's a lot to comprehend, which is why I usually tone down my descriptions of the experience in casual conversation. I believe Dr. Trice was happy to see me because I am a good example of the impact his work can have on someone's life, and that seems to be what he wanted to show her. It's kind of nice to be thought of as a success story, even if I'm not out of the woods yet.

Doctor's Guidance at 7 Months Out

I posted this on the knee geeks forum because I found Dr. Trice's guidance to be interesting and thought others might too. I can't really say it any better than I did there, but it is an update so I'll add it to my story.

I am doing very well. The knee aches and pops a lot, but there is very little pain. The popping is probably due to the unloader brace shifting things around. There are some "crazy nerve spikes," as I call them, which feel like a quick shot of tissue based pain and are usually around the scar. Not bad at all!

My latest doctor appointment was very interesting and I thought I would share the experience. I have seen on here that at 7 months most ACI patients are permitted to run and such other activities, but my doctor has restricted these for me. Going into the latest appointment, he let me swim (aqua arthritis class only), use the recumbent bike, and walk up to one mile on even surfaces. That's it. No elliptical, no walking the dogs, nothing even close to running. Needless to say, I felt pretty restricted.

So I went into the appointment wanting to understand the reasons for my severe activity restrictions. He said that there were a few. The first two were that my defect was very large (I don't know exact measurements but I think it was about 2.5 x 3 cm on medial femoral condyle) and that I had been in more pain before the surgery than most of his patients (I'll admit I was pretty bad off).

However he said the strongest reason was the previous microfracture and that he had other patients with ACI after microfracture who were doing well at 7 months and then weren't at 9-10 months and he doesn't really know why. So, he wants to be cautious. I guess I thought I was mostly out of the woods as long as I didn't do anything stupid. Apparently he sees a lot more forest before me.

He did however loosen the restrictions a little bit saying I can walk up to 3 miles and I can sign up for a slightly more vigorous swimming class as long as I am very very careful. The elliptical and walking the dogs are still off limit.

This appointment was about 2 weeks ago and a little after 7 months out. Now I am creeping up on the 8 month mark and continuing to be cautious and optimistic. I just can't wait to get these woods behind  me.

Six Months out

So I sincerely doubt any of my family or friends are reading this anymore, but I am trying to keep putting in updates periodically for others who might be going through the same surgery and stumble across this blog. I just passed the six month mark and had an appointment with Dr. Trice, so it's a good time to take inventory of my progress.

Overall, I am doing pretty darn well. I am in much better shape than before the surgery. My knee aches sometimes, but ice and Tylenol seem to calm it down. I just reduced PT to once a week and I am in an Aqua Arthritis class twice a week. I can do straight leg raises with 2 pound weights and side leg raises with 5-7 pound weights. I still have a limp, but it is less pronounced unless I am tired. I can get through a typical day at the office with no unusual fatigue (though Mondays are still Mondays, you know?) but I do get quite fatigued if I do something unusual such as driving a long distance to and from an all-day meeting. I am definitely optimistic about my recovery, but still aware that caution is required. I'm not out of the woods yet.

I have a few new instructions from Dr. Trice as well. He approved walking outside for exercise, starting with 1/4 mile at a time for one week, then 1/2 mile at a time for a week, and so on up to one mile. So in just a few weeks I will be allowed to walk with my husband and dogs for a whole mile at a time! He said to then stay at that level for about 3 months. I am planning on trying to do one thing each day, either walking outside, PT, swimming class, or the treadmill.

Dr. Trice also said he wanted me to continue wearing my unloader brace for another 6 months (whatever, it's not that uncomfortable) and that I can now do short arc exercises (GR1 - it's just a video showing the exercise). A short arc is basically straightening the leg from a horizontal and slightly bent position while it's unsupported. It was not something that I was allowed to do before as it is apparently pretty rough on the knee. I did them in PT and was shocked by how weak I was! It was a reminder that I still have a way to go.

I have come a long way, but there is still more work to be done. I'll keep updating periodically just to note progress at various milestones. Cheers!

I can't believe I am still learning

I thought I had pretty much figured out all that I needed to know, but then this weekend happened. I have been having so much trouble with all my muscles aching and my back just all knotted up. It has been hard to get up in the morning. So, finally, I asked my PT for a recommendation for a massage therapist.

Lesson Learned: I should have gotten a massage a long time ago!

It is highly important to have the right type of massage therapist who knows how to actually heal the muscles, not just help you relax. Sports massage therapists seem to be the ticket. Anyway, a wonderful woman named Brandy took her magnificent elbows to the arch around my left shoulder blade. It was one huge knot from both the cane and how I have been compensating for my limp.  I didn't even realize until she was done that I had been restricting the motion of my left arm. She freed it.

The next day I was sore, as expected. It has made a huge difference though and I wish I had done this months ago. I am finally starting to feel closer to normal.

Slow and Steady

I went to see Dr. Trice yesterday and he was pleased with my progress and said I am right on track. The primary message I took away from the appointment was to stay cautious. As I feel better, I will want to do more, but I really need to still be protecting the implant as it hardens. So absolutely no weight-bearing exercises are allowed. He doesn't even want me to use the elliptical or walk any more than needed. I need to stay in tortoise mode and not be tempted to be more like the hare. So, I can pretty much just use the bike or swim.

Speaking of which, he thought the Aqua Arthritis class was a great idea so he signed the paperwork and now I am all signed up. It starts in September, but now that I have access to a pool I may just go and do some water-walking sometime.

20 Weeks

I am doing pretty well. I still have a bad limp and have to focus on how to walk, but I am not in much pain. My muscles ache a lot and my knee gets sore sometimes, but that is so little compared to before. People still wince when they see me and I get a lot of pity conversations from strangers. I try to convey that this is so much better, but I think that just scares them to even imagine what I've been through. I guess you don't really know what you can handle until you have had to face it, and my Big Scary Stuff is behind me now. It's just a part of my life.

My scar was healing up pretty rough (like a thick purple rope) so I looked into scar minimizing products. The two that seem most successful are Bio-oil and silicone strips. The Bio-oil sounded messy and since another patient at PT was praising the silicone strips, I am trying the strips. They are available on Amazon and the brand I am using is Scar Away. They seem to be working but they do take some getting used to. The silicone is only sticky when it is dry, which makes cleaning them easy. I clean them every day and wear each for about a week before discarding. The more you wear it, the more effective it seems to be. Don't be tempted to get the shorter ones and just use two to cover the long scar. I didn't see the long ones when I was first looking so I got the short ones. They are a waste of money. The longer ones stay on so much better!

I have my next appointment on Monday and I will be asking Dr. Trice about aquatics classes. The local YMCA has an Arthritis Aquatics class that I think will be perfect for continued strengthening. It requires my doctor to sign off on it, and I already picked up the form to bring with me. I hope they will let me participate. I'm not an arthritis sufferer, but I sure would benefit from the class. I think the other aquatics classes would be too vigorous right now, but I may give them a shot in a few months.

So yeah, I am doing alright but I still have a long way to go. My spirits have been higher lately though because the list of things I can do keeps growing and because there is so little pain. I am so happy to be recovering!

Phase 3

Technically I am in phase 3 now, but there is no sudden change of activity or guidance. Everything is gradual. I did however ask if we could do a few new exercises in PT and Sandy showed me a few. They really were very simple stretching exercises mostly, but she warned I might be sore. When this morning rolled around, I sure was!

It can be frustrating how exhausted I get after doing such simple things. However, things are getting easier. I went to the grocery store again this past weekend and it was easier than the first time. The only way to get better is to keep pushing myself, but the recovery from each effort is still daunting.

First Day Back in the Office and Other Things

In the past week I have challenged myself 3 times and boy am I beat! On Sunday I went to the grocery store with my husband and I walked through the entire trip! I used the cart to support myself and didn't make any extraneous trips. If we forgot something my husband went back for it, and he found it nice that my default slow speed meant I was usually still about where he left me when he got back! I normally have a tendency to wander off. (Ooh something shiny!) Anyway, by the end of the trip I was absolutely shaking from the effort and very weak, but it was still very satisfying. I iced as soon as I got home and rested. Overall it was a good experience.

Building on that success, I went into the office on Tuesday. I managed to make it 6 hours before thecrazy nerve tingles in my knee got out of hand. It's not pain exactly, just uncomfortable niggling tingles shooting through my knee. They get worse as I spend more time in one position, and eventually get constant and very distracting. There was some soreness as I walked out of the office too. I came home, applied ice, and rested until the tingles stopped. However, the next day I was so exhausted I felt almost ill so I guess I needed that next day to recover. It's the weak muscles that are such a huge limitation now. Ice makes the tingles go away quickly, but building muscles means wearing them out first. I just lost so much muscle in my entire body by being inactive for so long.

Then yesterday I really pushed myself. I drove 2 hours to a meeting and then 2 hours back afterward. Driving has been pretty easy, but can cause those nerve tingles since it is a lot of sitting. I arrived early for the meeting and found a spare office to remove my brace and ice right away. That helped a lot. I made it through the meeting and drove back, going straight to PT where I took it pretty easy. I was so tired I felt a little disoriented, but no harm was done. It did take me a long time to get out of bed today though.

Other things going on besides me wiping myself out repeatedly: The cane use appears to be aggravating a tendon in my shoulder causing a pinched feeling. I was trying to treat it with heat and massage, but Sandy, my PT, said to cut that out and use ice. I am never sure which to reach for since random pain is just random pain to me. She said it was probably an inflamed tendon so ice should calm it. She also gave me a sample of BioFreeze, which feels pretty cool (hee hee). I need to focus on getting away from the cane soon anyway, so this is further motivation.

Also, (insert drum roll!) I have a new lesson learned.

Lesson Learned # 12: Keep icing regularly even when the swelling stops. As I increased my activity, Sandy instructed me to ice regularly. The ice has had the unexpected effect of making the straight leg raises (SLR) easier! It is finally not so painful to get in a good "locked" position. The SLR are probably the single most valuable (and most difficult) rehab exercise. I wish I had known regular icing would help with them earlier, but I am glad I figured it out.

So overall, I am making progress and wiping myself out a lot. But hey, I am not going to get better by sitting on my bum. Well, at least not all the time. I am still exhausted from yesterday, so excuse me while I go sit on my bum for a little while. But this weekend I will be back to grocery shopping.

Stairs

I was talking with my physical therapist and she said that after we enter Phase 3 she would teach me how to walk on stairs again! I have been just taking each step one at a time with my bad leg straight. I've been doing that for so long that I actually got excited at the idea of being able to walk normally up and down stairs! And then I get a little embarrassed that I got a little excited. But seriously, my house has three floors and tons of stairs. I can't wait to relearn them!

She did say not to try it on my own first. That is definitely something to begin with her guidance.

I still plan on walking around the grocery store this weekend. If it goes well, I will start going into the office. My job has been great since they have been letting me work from home. Before my surgery, days in the office were my most painful. The concrete floors there just killed my knee. I am a little nervous about going back, but the grocery store seems like a good test to see if I am ready.

No More Whining (13 weeks and 5 days)

I have been hesitant to post lately because the progress is so slow it just feels like whining. In reality, I am not whining much and am actually pretty happy with the current state of my knee. No, it's not feeling awesome. But it feels much better than it used to! So I will try to keep posting, but focus on what has changed rather than the current state.

I had an appointment with Dr. Trice today and he was pleased with my progress at the three month mark, but said I am about two weeks behind so he wanted me to wait another two weeks before beginning Phase 3 of the recovery protocol. Phase 3 is a substantial return to activity so I am obviously excited, even if I know that it will be gradual. He also pointed out that at this time the implanted cells should be changing from a jelly-like consistency to a waxy consistency, so I still need to protect them. No squatting or twisting! I really wasn't planning on doing that anyway. :)

I am feeling like I haven't pushed myself as much lately. The little things are getting easier, like walking into a store but not around it. That used to wipe me out just a few weeks ago, but this past weekend I was less affected by it. So I was thinking that I might try grocery shopping (like actually walking around the store) with my husband this weekend. If I get tired there are places to sit and it is nice and level, as opposed to walking outside.

I have noticed a change in how each step feels. I realized that as I took each step, the knee would settle into a position as the weight went through it. There was a lot of movement and shifting going on and I walked so very slowly to allow that shifting and settling to occur. As my muscles around the joint have gotten stronger, there seems to be less settling when I put weight through it. As a result, I am actually walking a little faster. I just noticed this happening in the past week, but I sure like it!

Nearly 13 Weeks

I just reread the last post here and realized how slowly things are changing. On June 3rd I was hoping to drive soon and I was occasionally going without the cane in the house. Now it is June 21 and I am driving short distances and regularly going without the cane in the house. Hmm. That doesn't seem that much of a change for 18 days.

So it goes. I am getting a little stronger. Every few days I just catch myself feeling maybe not so weak. On Saturday I actually ran a few errands. I can't shop for groceries, but I could walk into the grocery store, find one thing in the produce section, and go straight to the checkout. It was a huge challenge! So, does that deserve a woohoo? Meh. I wouldn't have done that on June 3rd, so I guess it is progress.

The straight leg raises are still very painful and are really the only part of PT where I haven't come a long way. Whenever I do them, I try to do 40-50 total. The first ten are one at a time, and I rest after each. I try to visualize the pain as water flowing over me and dissipating, flowing down to the floor and away from me. The second ten I do in sets of 5, and if I can, the rest I do in sets of ten. They get easier as I go, which is why I can keep increasing the number in each set.

Last week I was having a particularly hard time and could only manage sets of 5 all the way through to 50. I had been pondering why and I think I have figured it out. It was the same culprit as before: those stupid prone exercises! My leg had been straightening easily so I thought I could cut them out finally, but spending a little time prone seemed to help something shift in the knee so that it was less painful to lock it straight. Honestly, the remaining pain I am dealing with is very hard to describe, so forgive me for failing to convey it. It just hurts whenever I rely on the muscles around the knee to support it. That occurs when I lock it straight, lift the leg in any way, or if it has been in one position for too long and the muscles cramp from holding it there.

I am still in less pain than before the surgery and I try to keep that in mind. However, I am pretty sick of being a little weakling. Meep.

Slow and steady wins the race

I haven't posted for a bit, and I do think that at this point it makes more sense to post less frequently. Things are not changing on a day to day basis anymore as the recovery slows down.

Yesterday marked 10 weeks since I got a new chance at having a working knee again. It's been tough sometimes, but I am very lucky. Everything has been going to plan and there have been no complications so far. (And I just knocked on my wood desk.) My scar (GR 2) is healing beautifully and going through all kinds of fun colors. When I wake up, it is almost white. If I am cold, it turns dark purple. If I am hot, it is an angry sort of pink. And sometimes, one part of the scar is one color and another part is a different color. Whatever. I measured the scar too. It is a hair over five inches when my knee is perfectly straight, and 6 1/2 inches when bent. Not bad for scar bragging rights.

Last week I saw Dr. Trice again and he was happy with my extension (Yay!) so all that prone work paid off. At the time of the appointment I was down to using one crutch and he said to try to get off that remaining crutch within a week. Of course, I was very excited about that direction. About three days later I tried to switch out the remaining crutch for a cane. I was successful, but walking with the cane was quite difficult. I did notice that trying to walk with the cane made going back to walking with one crutch easier, so I am trying to continue the philosophy of going a little further than is comfortable and then pulling back. It makes the little steps more successful.

In fact, now I am trying to not use the cane when I am staying within one room in the house and there are surfaces I can reach for support. It is not good to do this too much, I think, because the limp is awful and I need the cane to practice walking correctly. But, I am hoping that walking a little without the cane will make it easier to walk with it. Go too far, and pull back. Another little step forward.

I working from home now and hoping that I might start driving again soon. It would be nice to be more independent and at least be able to get to my PT appointments by myself. My family has been wonderful in supporting me, but I really don't want to need so much support. It's been a year and a half since all this pain started and people have been compensating for my limitations for that long. I know that slow and steady will win out, but it's hard to feel like you might see the light at the end of the tunnel and not wish you could run for it!

Wow, I am full of clichés today, but at least I haven't broken out the sports metaphors. Well, now you all know I am still here, and I am still trying.

Heel, toe, heel, toe, heel, toe......

Prone!

I have been seriously stepping up my prone exercises to straighten my leg. It has led to yet another lesson learned! (insert drumroll)

#11 Do a Complete Variety of Exercises. It was feeling hard to get all my exercises in everyday, so I ended up often skipping the same ones over and over. The prone exercise would usually make me feel unable to bend my knee very well for a good 30-60 minutes afterward (which made it harder to get other exercises in) so it was often the one I skipped. Once I started focusing on it though, it got so much easier and it got rid of that super painful "locking" in place that kept happening when my leg was straight. So, I guess all the exercises need to work together. If you can't fit them all in, make sure you aren't skipping the same one repeatedly.

Other than that, things are progressing pretty tentatively. After the microfracture last year, I was eager to get better and kept trying to do more and more. I don't know for sure if that led to the failure, but this time around I don't want to take any chances.

Dr. Trice and Sandy both said to use a scale to see how much 25-50 lbs really feels like. I did, and it is a lot of weight! I stood on the scale with about what I was initially comfortable to bear through that leg, and it only registered 23 lbs. I put more weight through it and it came up 38. I put as much weight as I possibly dared and it still came up only 47 lbs! So, as much weight as I dare right now falls inside Dr. Trice's guidance. That's good to know.

I am planning to start working from home next week (8 week mark). That was my initial plan and it still seems appropriate. My stamina is getting pretty solid and the swelling is really starting to come down, so I am looking forward to trying to work. However, I let work know that I wanted to work from home the first 4 weeks I am back. I think this will help prevent me from getting dangerously overconfident and push myself too far. It is a very real concern.